All posts tagged: surrogacy

A 3rd Few Words about Surrogacy

So we got paired with this amazing woman who was willing to get knocked up by us. Our surrogacy agency had a thorough protocol for making matches-made-in-heaven between surrogate carriers and parents-to-be: 1. Phone interview, 2. Home visit, 3. One day spent hanging out. The agency understandably wanted all parties to feel comfortable with each other. In our phone interview, the mediator asked “How much contact do you want with the surrogate during and after the pregnancy?” Obviously the agreement we’re forging is profound and involved, but I didn’t think we needed to force a family bond. An un-forced, organic friendship would be ideal. During the interview, Sheryl said, “If we’re friends during and after, that’s great. But we don’t need to force anything.” This vegetarian, non-smoking, non-drinking, non-caffeine-drinking, marathon runner was my kinda organic friend. As luck would have it, two weeks after our phone conversation, I was in Denver. I arranged to have lunch with her family in Colorado Springs, her hometown. Hers was the same highway exit as the national headquarters of …

A Few Words about Surrogacy: Finding our Carrier

When I told my (gay) doctor we were researching surrogacy, he said, “Ugh. I can’t condone that.” I was shocked. I figured this guy would be all for gays and babies. “It’s not about gays and babies,” he said, reading my mind, “it’s exploitation of underprivileged women.” Actually, he said “trailer trash,” which I couldn’t bring myself to write above. But here I go, again…quoting others’ jaw-dropping comments about saintly surrogates. (Quick side not: I KNOW I should be using the term “gestational carrier”. But I’m simplifying to keep this post shorter.) He continued, “You’re exploiting a desperate woman by renting her uterus. Don’t get me started on using women in impoverished countries.” That gave me pause. But it was before my afore-blogged interview, where we learned our agency required surrogacy applicants to fulfill three criteria : Financial comfort. They couldn’t be in need of the money earned for their labors (pun intended). Married. (And their husbands complicit with the process.) Two children. All the women already had families of four (or more). And to …

A Few Words About Surrogacy

A friend pointed out to me the other day, “You have two kids. And not by accident. Like…you’re complaining but you chose to be here. Like there’s no ‘oops, the condom didn’t work’ or ‘oops, my birth control didn’t work’ or ‘oops…’ of any kind. You chose this.” No. Doubt. About. It. So let’s talk about the choices. I knew I wanted to be a father and, furthermore, I was meant to be a father. It was in my cards. My partner was understandably hesitant. He’d lived life devoted to his own goals. So for six months we discussed parenthood. He asked all the right questions. And I had quick responses. What if I’m too selfish? I know you’re not. The way you dote on our dog and even the way you love me…you have too much love to give. I know you’ll melt with a child. I don’t know how to deal with children or relate to them! You’re like Dr. Doolittle. Animals and children gravitate to you. What if I get a conducting …