All posts tagged: potty training

Canine Crisis…the NEXT Final Chapter: FROM POOP TO PEE

A few months ago I wrote about life feeling like an endless shit storm…literally. And by “literally”, I mean literally…my two (still-diapered) kids and my feculence-challenged dog. Now that my older son is diaper-free and the dog is on a schedule where I regularly express her bowels (gag), life feels much less shitty. Pun intended. Now it’s pissy. Madison’s acupuncturist (yes…her acupuncturist…everyone says it’s the best treatment for FCE…and by “everyone”, I don’t mean the Google) suggested we stop expressing her bladder, thereby stimulating her nerves to regain some control. Meaning: with patience and timing she pees intentionally about half the time. It also means she pees unintentionally half the time. Particularly when she’s excited and I haven’t timed it well, she’s standing one second and squatting the next. Only, because of her neurological issues, she can’t effectively squat, so she walks as she squats. Meaning: she leaves a trail of pee. And if she loses control in the apartment, she knows she’s doing wrong, panics and ends up peeing in lines (or circles) on …

Potty Control

“Ellison, please don’t put your penis on the dining table.” Since potty-training, Ellison’s “nakedy time” has increased. Can you blame him? We find ourselves saying hilarious things. “Ellison? Did you put your penis in your undies?” is a regular inquiry. Sometimes he answers, “Yes”, when the snake is clearly peeking out of the garden. So potty training went well. For 39 months, we sweated it. In alpha-parent Manhattan, potty training takes on the same competitive comparison as toddlers mastering speech and yoga classes: every other kid seems to be faster than your own. And that might actually be a problem. Non-New Yorkers assured me Ellison was on track. “Calm down. No one goes to college in diapers.” But college and kindergarten are different things. When Ellison was 18 months old, during a particularly pissed-off diaper change, he nodded his assent when I asked, “Do you want to say bye-be diapers?” For three days he peed all over the apartment, only twice on the baby potty. While standing (naked) in front of my partner at the …