All posts tagged: disney princess

Disney Poisons My Kid

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How I miss Thomas the Train.I never imagined typing those words.  To quote my older son: “I’m excessed with Disney princesses.” Truer words, son. Truer words.  I loathe those princesses.  To clarify: I’m totally fine with the veritable pu-pu platter of princess dolls he received for his birthday. What drives me ape-shit crazy is the inane conversations about dresses and hair accompanying this excession.  The princessification of our lives began with those damn YouTube videos featuring grown-ass women playing with princess “magic clips”. Seriously: they manipulate impressionable minds by opening toys shipped direct from Mattel and make videos. They’re the “Saturday morning cartoon ads” of the 2010’s. (Notice the above video has 84 million views. She must be loaded and I’m chiding her. Who’s the idiot?) It’s free advertising for Disney and (apparently) these grown-ups gain self-respect based upon their “likes” and “views” playing with toys. Worst of all, their dialogue consists of nothing more than: “Look what a beautiful dress Cinderella is wearing.” “Ooh, isn’t Anna wearing a beautiful dress?” What this woman is doing merits …

I Lie to My Kids. It’s Cool.

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There are a lot of behaviors I didn’t expect from my kids for another four or five years: Rolling their eyes at me. Telling me they don’t love me, anymore. Saying “Nothing! And stop asking me!” when I ask “What’d you do at school?” And, “You’re going out in that?” And I definitely didn’t expect lies for another few years. I guess it’s my bad – after all, I began lying to them at a young age. It began with the stellar (unsolicited) advice I received from an old lady at the playground (who writes her own blog, Life Lessons From an Old Bitch. Seriously.) Her: You want some advice? Me (in my head): No, crazy lady. Her: Lie to them. Me: Jigga-what? Her: Just tell them…“I don’t know who made the rules. But those are the rules.” Me: Laugh. Dispense with my disrespect for a wiser generation. Her: I mean it. I don’t know why it works. But it works. Just lie to them. They believe everything. Me: For example? Her: When they say …

Little Girl/Gay Music

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Driving up the Merritt Parkway and listening to Disney Pandora with my boys a few weeks ago, I found myself jamming to “When Will My Life Begin?” from Tangled. I’ve never seen Tangled, but I couldn’t resist that song. I know. I’m a grown man bopping my head to silly princess music. But trust me: it is so catchy. I felt silly, I admit. I’m a musician and enjoy all types of music. But the under-sized Napoleons in my life dictate “ABC’s” or “Princesses” when we drive. And I find myself bouncing my head to many of the songs on Pandora’s “Kid’s Pop” station. But don’t we all secretly like Katy Perry? Just a little bit? I mean, when she was on that awkward firework-spewing contraption at the Super Bowl, didn’t we all feel a little thrill? Well I did. I’ve always had a penchant for catchy pop music, within reason. Pop radio stations are awful for more than 15 minutes. Everything’s interchangeable. Too much is even too superficial for me. But those summer anthems …