Month: February 2016

Broadway Shames My Parenthood

Yes, Broadway can affect a parent in profound ways, and not just making your insides churn into knots at the prices of the friggin’ drinks at The Lion King. Finding Neverland –What irks me is the most popular song: “Believe”. In the song, the JM Barrie character “inspires” imagination in the kids. While Barrie is jumping around being a pirate or a dog or some shit, I feel guilty that I’ll choose washing dishes over playing monster/princess/whatever with my kids. I loathe make-believe. What kind of beast have I become? Of course comparing one’s self to Peter Pan’s author won’t help anyone feel good about imagination…except that I don’t live in fantasyland and I need to get the damn laundry done. Screw you and your vivid imagination, Finding Neverland. I don’t have time for child’s play. (I have totally let go of the fact that I auditioned for this show 77 times and should have been Matthew Morrison’s understudy. Totally.) Hamilton Will I ever, ever perform in (let alone write) something so epic? Lin Manuel …

Dear Other Dude at the Playground…

Dear Other Dude at the Playground on Saturday – I couldn’t fight the need to write you about an incident between our kids.Remember me? I was the dad with the son wearing a pink dress. Before he burst onto the playground, and as I parked the car, he was positively vibrating. I asked, “Now…you’re sure you want to wear your dress?” He shouted in response, “Yes! Because I want to show everyone how beautiful I am in this beautiful dress!” It was a big deal for him; and for me. He hasn’t asked to wear a dress “out,” before. I didn’t fight it. Who cares, right? Or so we’d like to think. As you noticed, he couldn’t contain his excitement showing off the dress to the only two kids playing…your daughter and her friend. He skipped and twirled and chased them for ten minutes shouting, “Do you like my dress? I’m wearing a dress! Can I play with you? Will you play with me?” Remembering those ten minutes fills me with emotion…because his unencumbered joy …

Great. Even Valentine’s Day makes me an insane parent.

   Days ago my oldest son was inspired to make valentines for his class.  All 18 of the 4-year-olds. He opened his art box and started pulling out every color construction paper and started to draw and cut out hearts. I was impressed. He’s only shown such focus when drawing princesses as the project du minute. So I dove in with him. And lo and behold, he wrote names as I frantically cut hearts (frantically because he wrote so quickly…obviously a genius) and he glued the hearts and applied princess and Spider-man stickers without rhyme or strategy.  Letting him use a Sharpie marker also helped inspire him. Sharpies are off-limits for obvious reasons. It was awesome.  I never expected to make Valentines. Never once in my childhood did I hand out anything but what my mother bought at Target…Scooby Doo or Star Wars cards with stupid puns and whatnot. I beamed with pride looking at our table littered with construction paper scraps. And the Valentines were cute. And so obviously constructed by a 4-year-old – names …