Month: January 2016

12 Absurdities of Life in NYC

As I walked home from school drop-off, this morning, I had to climb over snow mountains, most of which were just piles of trash frozen in snow. (The last blizzard came late on a Friday night, which was trash night. Hundreds, nay thousands, of bags were subsequently buried.) This, in addition to the disgusting, brown ice drifts lining every street, and the innumerable dog poop baggies tossed onto snow drifts by irresponsible dog owners, make me think, “People who don’t live here can’t understand what we tolerate.” While I can’t speak for every New Yorker, there are some absurd realities of living here that most of my friends outside New York find hilarious/can’t comprehend. 1. ALTERNATE SIDE PARKING For those of us idiot car owners who can’t afford $450/month parking slots, there’s this option: free street parking. But…twice a week you sit in your car for 90 minutes waiting to move for the street cleaner. Further, cops walk by twice in that 90 minutes, ready to slap $125 tickets on unoccupied cars. When the street …

Ignore the News. Just Read My Blog.

When did winter storms become news events of mass hysteria? New York City and the eastern seaboard are apoplectic about the storm arriving, tomorrow. Seriously, when I was growing up, a snowstorm was something to get excited about, but it didn’t paralyze us. This was the kind of conversation we had about the weather in 1985: You: There’s gonna be snow, tomorrow. Me: Yep. I wonder if there’ll be school? Today, we’re having conversations like this: You: (panting and sweating) Have you gotten your emergency supply kit together? Me: (running away and shouting back at you) I’m running to get the last crank-operated DVD player at Best Buy. I called and they’re holding it for me. Ain’t no way I’m living through this cataclysmic storm without watching the box set of the last season of LOST, which I haven’t even taken out of the cellophane because I’ve been such a Hulu addict since I got the box set. So, sorry. Gotta run. I’ve already got two kegs of mineral water and I’ve stocked up on …

Disney Drag

So my son’s been going through a strong princess phase for the last year. As he announced to me, one evening, “Daddy? I’m excessed with Disney princesses.” Truer words, son. Truer words. In his big love for all things Disney, he’s fascinated by the villains. And he’s predictably drawn to the villains who scare him. Many of the Disney movies we’ve borrowed from the library have ended up scaring him. He’s watched The Little Mermaid exactly once, because Ursula scares him. Ditto with Beauty and the Beast (which, btw, is objectively terrifying…beasts, wolves, murderous bands of villagers, Gaston’s chest hair). Despite these fears, my son loves to linger on the villain pictures in books and has lots of questions about their hair and capes and gowns. As I’ve become reacquainted with these villains for the first time since childhood, I see them with fresh (and catty) eyes. And I wonder if my son is actually drawn to drag queens, cuz let’s face it: all Disney villains are basically drag queens. Image credit: ABC Disney pop-up …