Month: July 2015

This Just in…From Hollywood

I’m sitting on a bag of ice in my corporate housing and sipping some booze as I document a little of my week. We’ve had eight intense days of rehearsal in the un-air conditioned gymnasium of Hollywood Methodist Church. I’m falling in love, all over again, with this hilarious musical, Spamalot. Among the stars are Jesse Tyler Ferguson, of Modern Family, (who’s hysterically dry) and Christian Slater. Yes. Christian Slater. He’s infectiously playful with a perma-grin…just a guy who can’t believe he’s being paid to screw around on stage in a Monty Python sketch/musical. And then there’s Warwick Davis. Now. I’m a terrible celeb keeper-upper. I knew he looked familiar, but I was like….”yeah, yeah, yeah. The little person who’s done a bunch of stuff, but who isn’t Peter Dinklage of Game of Thrones.” Then, one of my cast members tells me, “Yeah, but Gavin…not only was he in the Harry Potter movies, he was also in Star Wars.” Y’all: this child-of-the-80’s is soon to be tap-dancing alongside Wicket Fucking Warrior. Like: no shit. I …

9 Reasons Your “Adorable Kids’ Picnic” is Gonna Suck

A super-fun friend recently visited New York with her newborn. She emailed: “Meet in Central Park for a kids’ picnic at 2:30.” She saw Pottery Barn picnic photo shoot (PBPPS). I saw hell. Dear super-fun friend, Let me enumerate the ways this picnic is utterly inconvenient for everyone else with kids: 1. Timing – Your child is a house plant who sleeps all day long. We, the toddler-encumbered, schedule our sanity around naps. You’ve asked us to schlep DURING PRIME NAPPING HOURS to come coo at your kiddo. Though your kid might not let you get 8 hours of beauty sleep, mine will turn the remainder of my day into tantrum hell. That’s worse than sleep-deprivation. 2. Enclosure – I know urban playgrounds are hell for those who don’t rely on them for socializing, herding, and sippin’ on gin-in-juice. There’s no grassy knoll for pretentious picnicking. But those gates spell the difference between fun and fury. Toddlers don’t do open-space in NYC. They do caged asphalt. 3. Sweat – If I choose to sit for …

Posting from 35,000 feet

So I’m sitting on a 5 ½ hour flight from New York to Los Angeles with my kids and my partner. I’m so happy not to be alone for this flight. My oldest son is sleeping on my arm (we had to depart for the airport at 4:30 AM), and my youngest is very much attached to his “Tatty”. So…not my responsibility, for the moment. And I’m posting this from 35,979 feet with free JetBlue wifi. Just like the old days…except I’m sure they’ll flood my inbox with spam, now. And the plane is freezing. So we’ll be breaking down to pay for a damn blanket at any moment. I’m taking advantage of the quiet. I love flying because I can’t do anything but read and write. Put me on a plane to nowhere. If it’s a 13-hour flight I’m in heaven. I don’t want to sleep. But flying is so stressful with kids. You just can’t help but worry and worry. What if they scream? What if they fight? What if we are “those …

I’m Internationally Recognized

Okay, fully bragging, here. But I was flattered to be chosen by journalists at “Very” magazine/catalog in England. They commissioned my glamor shots by Jeremy Davis (I almost spelled it “glamour”…see how British I’ve become, already. It’s like Madonna and that weird accent she sports.) I had a fun time picking clothes out of their catalog and writing quips about them. Sadly, I didn’t get any free threads. I didn’t even get a link to the catalog…because it isn’t online. How quaintly “last century” of them. At any rate, I was happy to contribute.