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Dear Mr. Dolce & Mr. Gabbana,

“I wish I had some Dolce & Gabbana crap so I could burn it.” – One of my witty Facebook friends

I usually don’t get worked up by stupidity. Luckily, there are enough hotheads in the news and social media that I can sit back and enjoy the public stoning of broadcast faux pas. Instead I get worked up about nerdier stuff. Like campaign finance reform. But many people have asked me what I think of the recent comments by fashion moguls (and gay partners of 23 years), Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana.

First off, I roll my eyes at their “bling” with gold logos splashed all over tacky glasses, bags and clothes.

But then I really rolled my eyes when I read their statement that children of IVF are “children of chemistry, synthetic children. Uteruses for rent, seeds chosen from a catalog.”

D&G later stated, “Our views are traditional, not judgmental.”

I give them credit for sticking their ground and not making public apologies to rectify the vicious backlash against their brand.

And semantically speaking, were they wrong? My children (produced via IVF and artificial insemination) could be considered “children of chemistry”. But taking that argument to a logical conclusion, aren’t all children “of chemistry”? Egg and sperm meeting creates a chemical reaction, right?

Anyway. Insert eye roll.

So D&G define traditionalism by their conservative Italian Catholic upbringing, a community who’s edicts were constructed by a bunch of white men with zero experience in child rearing or long-term partnership (at least in the open).

Looking past archaic conservative Catholicism, what can the rest of us reasonably define as what is provided by a “traditional” family? Can we all agree on: love and nurturing.

Does that require a mother and a father? Well, sometimes kids have to make do with their single mothers, single fathers, commune parents, or older siblings. It’s not ideal, but they make do. And they’ve been making do ever since sickness and war began stealing parents away since the dawn of time…since…well, the same time period that women have had sisterly love and men have made brotherly love.

But gay parenting is not accidental chance; like a suddenly single mother.

So is my child missing something by not having a mother?

I ask myself that a lot. It was a major consideration before my partner and I started down the surrogacy path.

My French “mother” (long story) asked me for years (and continues to do so), “Don’t you think your son might be missing something, not having the nurturing bond with a mother? Or that the surrogate incubated your child, but didn’t foment love in the womb?”
Maybe.

But…my children eat their vegetables, don’t throw temper tantrums when I leave them with babysitters, snuggle with me on the couch, fall asleep in my arms, have twinkles in their eyes when they laugh with me, seek my approval, show off their “tricks” to me, run to me for comfort, stop crying when I hold them, laugh easily when I play “peek-a-boo”, nap wonderfully, charm strangers, easily stop fighting when I intervene, obey me, identify themselves as the children of two fathers, readily hug their friends and teachers, sing, dance, play, adore each other, would prefer to be with me than doing anything alone (but play by themselves, too), and run to embrace my partner and me every single time we walk in the door.

My kids love and love. They are well adjusted. They aren’t brats. They aren’t hyper-active, they aren’t obnoxious (despite my over-dramatic blog rants.)

So maybe they’re missing a cosmic, ethereal, uteran bond that other kids have?

I know my partner and I more than make up for that.

As for you, Messieurs Dolce & Gabbana, your “family values” juxtapose your professional aesthetic, one that actually undermines family.

Your ad campaigns trumpeting “traditional” Italian families, insult your Italian/Catholic roots. Endless macho men and air-brushed woman posing as “happily married” do not promote family values. They promote insecurity, superficiality and your own bank accounts.

Further, your ads prep children for disappointment. “Why doesn’t my traditional family look like that? Why can’t I be that beautiful/skinny/rich?”

(Disclaimer: (and, not sounding the slightest bit hypocritical), they make me want to wear skinny suits, start smoking and speed a convertible Alfa Romero around the Amalfi coast. I’m a victim, too!)

But back to lambasting D&G.

Instead of helping make the world a better place (through, for example, compassionate parenting) you cultivate greed, lust and envy with your tacky materialism.

What quicker way to dismantle families?

Get it together, D&G: stop trumpeting antiquated ideas of what a traditional family should be, and help the rest of us celebrate the dysfunctional, devoted, beautiful families that the rest of us really are.

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11 Comments

  1. When it comes to children & parenting, it has been, is, and will always be about one thing and one thing only – LOVE … and love takes many different forms and pathways in its expression: man to man, woman to woman, man to woman, parent to child, sibling to sibling, etc, etc.

    Like

  2. Chris says

    Well said!!!

    They would do well to re-think their comments/position.
    If you’re going to be Catholic (like I was for 50 years) it’s no sin to think for yourself
    and to use the brain God gave you. Like most Catholics they were probably taught
    that it’s wrong and arrogant to question church authority. It’s like asking God, “Uh….hey dude,
    are you sure about your point of view?” Anyway, I don’t hate them; they’re ill-informed.
    I just can’t figure out why they made a big public issue of this.

    Like

  3. Chris says

    One more thing….I can’t imagine a more chosen child…a more desired, planned for, yearned for, thought out, and completely welcomed…..
    …..than a child conceived IVF. We should all be so lucky. The comments of D&G are parochial drivel.

    Like

    • Thanks for commenting, Heather.I’m not even sure their stupidity merited a full blog posting. But it was fun to search for their laughable ad campaigns.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Great read. I’m a mom of an IUI baby, still working on our ivf (2nd) baby, in a two mom household. We sometimes also find ourselves wondering if our daughter would be better off if she had a consistent “male” figure in her life. Our science experiment is perfectly healthy, happy, and well adjusted. She understands that some kids in her daycare have two papas and some have two mamas, while the majority have one mama & one papa. She’s got her two grandpas, her uncles, her older cousins… No shortage of men who love her and who demonstrate how men should ideally treat women and vice versa. I’m sure your kids have no shortage of women who love them too. There’s no way having gay parents inferior! I just hope the trend of openness continues, so it will be a total non-issue when she gets to the age of when kids are teased.

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    • I can’t imagine the openness won’t continue. And, hey, all kids have issues growing up, right? I choose to believe having gay parents won’t even BE their issue. Then again, maybe that’s what I hope will be…at least we can help dissect that one! Thanks for reading, amazingly-named-blogger! Good luck to you and your little one(s), too!

      Liked by 1 person

      • True, even if they had the “picture perfect” straight parents, they might dress funny…talk funny…pick their nose & eat it…have a big nose…or have a silly name! So many endless possibilities for taunting. From what I’ve read, our children will be better equipped to deal with conflict. Let’s hope that’s true!

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  5. Meredith says

    So this comment is a bit after-the-fact, but I 100% completely agree with everything you said. Your sons are lucky boys. 🙂

    Like

  6. Pingback: Mother’s Day for Two Dads | Daddy Coping in Style

  7. Pingback: How Mother’s Day Went Down in a Home With Two Dads and No Moms -

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